


This Is A Bad Idea, Let's Do It!

by LunarFlare64



Series: This Is A Bad Idea, Let's Do It! [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (Is Flowey underage? Is he still a child if he's lived through so many resets?), (Written by an Autistic person who can't recognise Autistic traits), Autistic Papyrus (Undertale), Everyone refuses to believe Papyrus knows things, Flowey and Papyrus are asshole friends to each other, Flowey and Papyrus break into a bar, Flowey and Papyrus enable each other, Flowey took a whole ass bite from a bar of soap, Nice Flowey (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale) Knows More Than He Lets On, Papyrus (Undertale)-centric, Papyrus can swear, Papyrus is hates being treated like a child, Papyrus is pissed at everyone for treating him like a baby, Papyrus likes to party, Papyrus short circuited a karaoke machine, Sans likes to party, Sans only appears for five seconds, Stupid dumb regrettable fun, Underage Drinking, Very OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarFlare64/pseuds/LunarFlare64
Summary: Papyrus is sick of everyone excluding him from things, so he's gonna have his own fun tonight.
Relationships: Flowey & Papyrus (Undertale)
Series: This Is A Bad Idea, Let's Do It! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151480
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	This Is A Bad Idea, Let's Do It!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is gonna be super weird and all over the place but I had too much fun writing it to care, its also kinda nice to vent a little (I never got the baby treatment because I pass as neurotypical, but I had friends who got the baby treatment and it always pissed me off)

Papyrus laid there in the darkness, completely silent. The house was dead quiet, but he knew Sans was still there.

He waited.

The sound of his bedroom door creaking open was right on time, and Papyrus feigned sleep as per usual as his brother's purposefully dim eyelights scanned over him.

“bro, you up?” Sans whispered, just to be sure.

Papyrus simply rolled over, as if his brother's question had stirred him in his sleep, but hadn’t woken him.

The elder skeleton let out a relieved sigh, fully convinced, and gently closed the door behind him as he left. The younger brother had to strain his senses, but he could faintly hear Sans sneaking down the stairs, and moments later there was the sound of the front door closing too.

Then there was a flash of light through the window, and the house fell back into complete silence.

Still, Papyrus waited, his brother was prone to doubling back to check on him, at least until he’d had a few drinks.

Time ticked by, and with each passing minute Papyrus felt himself relax more, but he would wait for the signal.

And he felt the oh so familiar bitterness that came to him in the silence. 

The fact that he had to keep up this act was ridiculous. Sans never left for those parties until he was ‘asleep', he’d stay up the whole night if that’s what it took for Papyrus to relent and go to bed. 

Once upon a time, Papyrus would refuse to go to bed whenever he knew there was a party, just to see Sans suffer – and maybe, just maybe, give up and finally tell Papyrus the truth –, but it was clear that this just wasn’t something Sans would be lazy about.

So he gave up, he went bed at his ‘bedtime', and Sans would go have fun with people he could treat like actual adults.

Seriously, what made him so different to them? Why did they act like he couldn’t handle...well...anything? Even Sans, who lived with him, didn’t think he was ‘old enough' to even know his brother was going out to a party.

Oh, he’d tried to tell them, he tried to explain that he knew what those parties entailed, he tried to tell them he knew that his brother spiked his ketchup bottles – why he did that, Papyrus would never understand, it was bad enough when he drank straight ketchup, but to mix it with alcohol...that was one thing the younger skeleton wished he was oblivious to –, and he tried to tell them that he wanted to go to those parties too.

But they always found some way to reason that Papyrus just didn’t know what he was talking about. Just like they did for every topic they deemed ‘too adult' for him.

If Papyrus hadn’t found the one person that treated him like the adult he was, he probably would’ve gone mad by now.

Movement at the window made him perk up, and the sight of a familiar vine curling into the frame was all he needed to jump out of bed, happy to ditch those thoughts and open his window for the vine.

A grinning flower appeared over the roof's gutter, “all clear! He's on his third drink as we speak!”

“Finally" Papyrus grinned back, his voice nowhere near as loud and chipper as most would expect from him, but his friend knew him better.

“What was his excuse this time?” Flowey questioned, easing his roots over the gutter and onto the roof tiles.

“Pun book" Papyrus grumbled, “he just kept reading them out to me until I said I was going to bed.”

“Oh boy" Flowey managed to sound both sympathetic and delighted by his pain, “lets hear it, gimme his worst.”

Papyrus didn’t bother trying to get out of it, the flower's methods of getting him to share involved ‘guessing' as many puns as possible, “his favourite was ‘I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, its actually more of a wrap'.”

As usual, Flowey cackled.

...

And cackled.

...

...and cackled.

The little shit was drawing it out on purpose to piss him off, wasn’t he? The skeleton rolled his eyes and vaulted through the window, ‘accidentally’ landing on the laughing flower.

“Hey!” Flowey's laughter quickly turned to rage, making Papyrus grin, “get off me, asshole!”

Papyrus gasped mockingly, rolling off the plant and leaning over him, “OH NO! I DIDN’T MEAN TO HARM YOU, FRIEND! BUT DON’T WORRY, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS THE PERFECT SOLUTION!”

“Don't you dare" Flowey hissed.

Papyrus pulled out a plate of spaghetti from Nowhere – how nobody has realised he has access to pocket dimensions is beyond him, but he couldn’t help but call the ability Nowhere – and shoved it in the annoyed plant's face, “MY CULINARY SKILLS ARE BOUND TO HEAL YOU RIGHT UP!”

“I swear to god if you force feed me that shit again-" Flowey scowled, “I'll heal later, can you ditch that stupid act already?!”

Papyrus snickered, dropping the plate back into Nowhere, “alright, just for you.”

Flowey rolled his eyes, “you said you actually had an idea this time? Or was that a load of bullshit?”

Papyrus grinned, “I heard from Undyne that Grillby was gonna be the bartender for this party.”

Flowey blinked, almost looking excited for a moment, “she actually told you about the party?”

Papyrus wanted to say yes, he really did, but he couldn’t help the frustrated sigh that left him, “I overheard her on the phone with Alphys.”

“Of course” Flowey groaned, used to how the other monsters treated the skeleton but tired of it all the same, “so the flame guy is at the party, so what?”

“So...” Papyrus’ grin returned full force, “his bar is closed, and everyone who’d notice anything going on there is at the party.”

It took a minute, but Papyrus could see the exact moment his friend understood what he was getting at.

“You want to break into his bar?” A devious grin appeared on the flower's face, “innocent little Papyrus? Breaking in to steal from a bar?”

Papyrus shoved Flowey at the ‘innocent’ comment, “ass. And it’s not any worse than Sans' ‘tab', we all know he’s never gonna pay that damn thing.”

Flowey laughed, reaching out a vine to pull himself up and tangle his roots into his usual spot on the skeleton's forearm, “what, did you think I was arguing? Lets do it!”

* * *

  
Flowey cackled as Papyrus tripped over his own feet for the third time in five minutes, “lightweight!”

Papyrus simply flipped him off, pushing himself back up from where he’d landed across the bar, “I don’t see you drinking, you’re probably worse than me!”

“Oh you wanna bet, asshole?” Flowey smirked, vines reaching out without a moment of hesitation and wrapping around one of the fancier looking bottles, “you really think, after all these timelines, that I haven’t raided the royal family's wine cellar enough to build a tolerance?”

“I’ll believe it when I see it!” The skeleton challenged.

* * *

  
“How the fuck do you-" Papyrus grumbled, fiddling with the wires behind the karaoke machine, “why does he even unplug this damn thing if its so difficult to set up?”

“Don’t look at me" Flowey snickered, “I'm not the one with the hands!”

There was a crackle, then a spark, then the lights went out, quickly followed by Papyrus' slurred exclamation, “FUCK!”

“Did- did you just short out the bloody KARAOKE MACHINE?!” Flowey wheezed, “oh my god you MORON!”

“Shut up!” Papyrus snapped, turning to where he last saw the plant before the room fell into darkness, “it- it was old, okay?!”

“Ooooh poor baby Papyrus, can’t understand big boy instructions” Flowey teased, knowing full well how the drunk skeleton would react and bracing himself for it.

Papyrus lunged, hitting his target right on the mark and sparking an impromptu wrestling match with the little flower.

* * *

  
Once the backup power was on, the pair dove into exploring the flame monster's stash behind the bar, all special drinks that made it down from the surface, and Flowey managed to spot something interesting.

“Spirytus vodka?” Papyrus frowned at the label, confused by Flowey's excited expression.

“Apparently its so strong the humans aren’t supposed to drink it straight, it’ll kill them or something” Flowey grinned, excited by that fact alone.

“How’d something like this even get down here?” Papyrus questioned.

Flowey shrugged, “dunno, you wanna try it?”

“Obviously” Papyrus smirked back.

* * *

  
Neither of them could remember what happened after that, but they woke up on the floor in Papyrus' house the next day, both feeling like death and tasting the tainted magic that could only come with vomit.

Papyrus glanced around, head pounding with the movement, but needing to see the damage he’d have to clean up before Sans got home while Flowey complained about the pain.

“Also I taste soap?” Flowey grumbled, squinting through the light, “why the fuck do I taste soap?”

The answer was found in the middle of the carpet.

A bar of soap with a huge bite taken from it, familiar marks of sharp teeth making it all the more obvious.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on this being a whole series of Papyrus letting loose with Flowey, so if you're interested in dumb shenanigans of this calibre, Papyton, and the possibility of everyone having their ableism shoved in their faces in the end then keep an eye out


End file.
